"We Don't Talk About Those Things"

After I was officially diagnosed with infertility, I began my answer-seeking explorations.  I read article after article, followed multiple pages on Facebook, consoled myself with looking for people my age who didn't yet have children, looking for answers, explanations and support.

All the while only allowing two people to truly know what was going on: my husband and myself.

We didn't talk about it really to anyone.  People would ask that hated question: Do you have kids?, and our response: No, not yet.  Sometimes I'd throw in the whole "God hasn't made that happen yet."  Or, "believe me, we're trying, it just hasn't happened."

But never, ever uttering the word infertility.

In researching, however, I discovered the statistic: 1 in 8.  One in eight will deal with some form of infertility.  That's quite a high percentage when you think about it.  Almost 13%.  I am always amazed at how busy the fertility clinic is.

So if it's that common, why is it so secretive?  Why is it such a taboo subject?

For as progressive as society is, it still feels like one of those subjects that is banned from drawing room conversation because it's improper.  We don't speak of things like that with other people.  Those are conversations left to our physicians.  (I read a lot of historical fiction, so I'm picturing these stuffy old matrons in lots of satin and lace shushing the younger, fresh-faced, newly-married ladies.)

But when you can't talk about it, when you can't say this is why, it stays bottled inside you and develops into shame.  And because we don't talk about shameful things, it sits and festers.

My husband and I have lived with infertility for 10 years now.  10 years of trying without success.  And for maybe 6 or 7 of those years, we relied on each other - and our doctors - for conversation on the subject.  But I have more or less come to terms with my "diagnosis" and realize it's just who I am.  I am 1 in 8, and that's ok.  I'm definitely NOT happy about it, but it is what it is.  It is OK to talk about it, to own it, to not be ashamed of it.

It shouldn't be a private subject.  It shouldn't be a whispered conversation.  It shouldn't be a shameful admission.

We NEED to talk about these things.





Photo cred: Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels