How is it I didn't know anything about infertility until it was my life?
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I grew up Southern Baptist. We're the ones that don't drink, don't dance, don't behave promiscuously, and definitely don't have sex...at least before you're married. And even then, you never talk about it.
Except to preach not to do it before you're married. Because if you do, you'll get pregnant. Or a disease. And you'll be a disgrace to the church and God. The whole "True Love Waits" thing. (I'm not knocking those things at all, just trying to frame a mindset.)
That was, you could say, my first lesson in sex education. I couldn't really tell you what sex was exactly, but I knew it was bad. Even though, apparently, everyone wanted to do it.
Then, I had the sex-ed class in school, although ours was called Health class, and covered all aspects of bodily things, not just sex. I couldn't tell you what I learned specifically about sex.
I never got the "birds and the bees" talk from my mom - for sure not from my dad, haha! - and I barely got the talk about a woman's cycle. Most of my true sexual education came from listening to friends, watching movies, and a high school boyfriend (the last one I ever had).
What it boiled down to: if you have sex, you're gonna get pregnant. So be safe with condoms or the pill. Or, better yet, abstain altogether.
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I knew about adoption. I didn't know that people adopted because they couldn't have children.
I knew people didn't have children. I didn't know that it wasn't necessarily a choice.
I knew there was such a thing as "test-tube babies." I didn't know it was how you had children if you were infertile.
I didn't know you could be infertile.
All I knew, all I had been taught, all I was aware of, was sex made babies. Period. It was inferred: don't do it until you're ready for babies.
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Why isn't infertility something we are more educated on? Why isn't it discussed as a possibility? Why does it have to be such a shock when you're diagnosed with it?
I was absolutely stupid when it came to infertility. My ENTIRE life had been a constant "have sex, get pregnant, have sex, get pregnant, have sex, get pregnant," but there is another scenario: have sex, want to get pregnant, don't get pregnant.
Maybe as teenagers we really aren't ready for the infertility talk, and someone smarter than me has realized this and so it isn't taught in actual sex-ed class. But at some point someone needs to say, Look, this is a possibility. It's unlikely, but 1 in 8 will have to deal with some form of infertility.
1 in 8.
And if that's you, there are options. But be aware, it may not be as easy as it looks in movies or tv, or even in real life with friends and family. Sometimes it's harder for some than others. Sometimes, you have to do things a little different than everyone else.
Sure, the gyno may mention it when you mention you're trying: if in 6 months nothing happens, come back and we'll talk. But that's it! I know, it's one of those things that you don't know until it happens, but for me, that's too late.
We need a mandatory discussion, mandatory awareness, educating about infertility BEFORE the 1 in 8 has to educate themselves when they are suddenly thrust into that world. Because it's hard to swim when you don't know exactly what you're swimming through.
And even when you do, having floaties would help tremendously.
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