What is Enough?

I recently heard a conversation about a girl who thought she wouldn't be able to have children after trying for a few years.  She also has PCOS & endometriosis, so she expected to have some troubles.  She and her husband decided to adopt, and during the process, she discovered she was pregnant.  She has since had 4 additional natural children, as well as the child they adopted.

The comment was made that she and her husband are very faithful to their church and to God, and He, in turn, blessed them beyond measure.

And I felt stung.

Am I not faithful enough?  Have I not tried to live my life as a Christian should?  Am I not devoted enough?  Sure, I've stumbled, but who hasn't?

What is enough?

And, why am I not enough, since God hasn't blessed us?

I see so many ways God has blessed us, and so I wonder why we are denied this one desire.  Especially since we have such cravings to be parents.  If it wasn't meant to be, wouldn't that dream be missing from our hearts?

It's a round-and-round conversation I have with God.  It's a round-and-round struggle with my faith.

I've heard the oft-quoted "Comparison is the thief of joy," and that definitely applicable here.  It's so hard to NOT compare yourself to couples, families, people your own age with children, who seemingly came by it simply by drinking the water.

How can you not say, Why not me, God?

Infertility is full of so many mental games that you nearly constantly ask yourself, Why am I not enough, in whatever sense that means to you.  Why am I not enough to God?  Why am I not enough of a woman?  Why am I not enough of a wife?

What is enough?

That's a question we'll probably never know the answer to.





Photo cred: Photo by Kreated Media on Unsplash