This Guy

I hope I'm right in this, but I think it's very normal to wonder what might have been, especially with past loves.  How different would life have been had that one been "the one?"  What would your story have been then?

This infertility journey often has me thinking on that.  Not so much would a different mate have had the same outcome, but more guilt that my husband has been saddled with this struggle.  What if one of his past romances been "the one" and he'd have been able to have children the old-fashioned way, easy-peasy?

Thinking that way can easily drive a person mad, though.  And, really, none of that matters.  He and I are bound together, not just from our journey but because I truly believe we are soul-mates.
Split-aparts.
Fated.

But I also believe that we were destined to be together because of our infertility journey.

He is my rock, my support, my shoulder to cry on, my boost of self-confidence, my best friend, my lover.

There are days when I feel more like a burden than a wife.  More of a hindrance in his life than a helpmate.  There are days when the anger and frustration I feel over my not being able to get pregnant rolls into not being able to give him a child, a son with his eyes or a daughter with his curls, not being able to give him his dream too.

Some days I get brave and put a voice to my anger.  He, of course, never agrees that he's being deprived or short-changed, and I believe he's genuine, that it isn't just words to placate my mood.  He believes in us enough that this struggle isn't going to break us.  Even though it is something we both dreamed of when we started our life together, it isn't a deal-breaker.

How did I get so lucky to have this guy??  How did I get so blessed??

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Long ago, probably around 14 years ago, my mom told me that all my life she prayed for me, prayed that I would meet a guy who would be the right guy, who would be my true partner from God.  She felt like my husband was the answer to those prayers.  That may sound cheesy, but it's so true!  God sent me this guy who He knew would be the right guy to be by my side always, even through something crazy hard like infertility.

I know I'm luckier than most.  I know what I have is special.  I know our relationship is one in a million.  And I don't mean to brag.  I just want my husband to know how amazing I think he is.  And that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank the heavens for him.

And that there isn't anyone else in the world that I would want to travel this horrible road with by my side.

And that I love him with all of my heart.  For better or for worse.

This guy.  He's my everything.






Photo cred: Photo by Văn Thắng from Pexels